Love Shouldn't Leave Bruises: Why do men abuse women?
April 2008 - Erin Isings

There's a common misconception that men abuse women because they can't control their anger. Not true, say our experts. It's not about anger, it's about control and power, says Wheeler. A person can be angry and have anger issues, without being an abuser. For example, I could be a very angry person, but not choose to be abusive towards my partner. We have to be very careful about chalking abuse, power and control down to anger. What we know is that abusers tend to be very controlled people. They're very nice out in public, they do very well in terms of controlling themselves at work, but when they get home, they target their family. So that says to me that they are in full control and they are choosing to exert power and control over a certain person.

Walker says the same analogy applies to the myth that abusive men are drunk or high, mentally ill or stressed out at work. What we can say with some certainty is men abuse women for no other reason than women's gender, and they feel they have a right to because there are ownership issues over women. They feel that they can abuse women because society will allow for it, and it is their way to gain and maintain power and control over women in their lives.

Who are the men who abuse women?
These men are judges, lawyers, doctors, garbage collectors and newspaper men and journalists. These men are people who live next door to you, who live across the street from you, they teach our children. These men come from all walks of life, all cultures, all religious backgrounds, all financial backgrounds, says Walker. Woman abuse is not divided by race or culture or religion or affluence. All women can be abused for no other reason than their gender. But she stresses that most men aren't abusive. The majority of men are good men, and those good men are part of our efforts to end women abuse.

What is the solution?
Walker says children who grow up in abusive homes often become abusers or victims of abuse in their adult relationships.
If it is a learned behaviour, then it can be unlearned, which is why we want to get to kids at a young age and talk to them about appropriate behaviours in relationships.
We need to hold (abusers) accountable through longer sentences and more serious consequences for domestic violence. We still look at it as something very private… I think until we can hold abusers accountable, the problem is not going to stop, says Wheeler.