The paths to survival
April 2008 - Erin Reid

One of the most difficult and terrifying challenges that faces a woman leaving an abusive relationship is figuring out where to go and how to get the legal help to survive outside of the relationship.

This is because these women (and very often their children) are not only leaving their home but also their source of financial support, which was also under abuse. One of the most common forms of abuse is financial. The threat of cutting a woman off from access to money is a method used by an abuser as a way to control the woman and make her stay. It's a powerful tactic and many women stay in relationships because they're afraid of having no way to support themselves.

There are community services and the legal system to help women get out of abusive relationships, but unfortunately many women don't know how to access these resources. There may be many impediments, both practical and financial, that keep women from seeking the help they need and are entitled to.

There are several important things for an abused woman to know if she wants to get out of the relationship.

• If you can't find a place to stay, you're welcome at local women's shelters at no cost. This may not seem like the best prospect but it's important to realize that women of all socio-economic backgrounds reside in shelters temporarily due to immediate lack of access to money. Remember that it's only transitional accommodation and the shelter can help you find follow-up housing.
• If you need to leave immediately, call 9-1-1 and the police will help you leave or remove your partner from the situation. If you've decided to leave on your own, contact the Assaulted Women's Helpline (1-866-863-0511), a toll-free, 24-hour resource for women in Ontario. The service provides referrals and contact information for local shelters, housing options, legal services and safety planning. You don't have to give your name and the service is confidential.
• Shelter can also be found for your pets. Many women stay in abusive relationships because they're afraid their pets will be harmed. Organizations like the Farley Foundation, which was established by the Ontario Veterinary Medical Association, have the SafePet Program (www.ovma.org) which will find safe, temporary housing for your pets while you're in a shelter or aren't able to have pets in your care. The toll-free number for the Farley Foundation is 1-888-262-9811.
• Legal Aid Ontario provides abused women with free legal assistance. It allows women to retain a local lawyer who can bring an application before the court to provide custody of children, child and spousal support, as well as a restraining order against an abuser, if necessary, which will be enforced by the police. Lawyers can also be retained privately to obtain the same relief.
• A lawyer may also be able to obtain an order of the court that provides an abused woman and her children exclusive possession of their home, regardless of whether or not her name is on the deed, and providing that her abuser is legally (with police assistance) removed from the home.

An abuser will often say that because he earns the money and pays the household bills, the woman has no rights to any of it, and unfortunately, abused women believe this. But this is often not the case at all, and women have more rights than they realize. The key is for them to get to safety and, from that safe place, obtain the resources and legal advice they need.

*The contents of this article are for general informational purposes only and are not intended to be legal advice or opinion of any kind. No one should act, or refrain from acting, based solely upon this or other general information without first seeking the appropriate legal or other professional advice.